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i am the strange hero of hunger

Billy Childish


i am the strange hero of hunger

Billy Childish


i am the strange hero of hunger

my girlfriend lives
on the other side of the world
and
has
started
reading
crime and punishment
by fyodor dostoyevski

- do you recognise the main charicter?
i ask her excitedly
- dosnt he remind you of me?

- ive only just begun
she ansewers
whats his name?

- rodya
but all the charicters
have about 3 diffrent names
i always get confussed
and
cant tell who is who
becouse im dislexic and dont make sounds for the
names
but rodya is for short
and
his sister is called dunya
isnt dunya a butiful name?
if little huddie had been born a girl
we would of named her
dunya

when i talk of the buti
of girls names
or the strange bravery
of artists
or see
the lite change
over sea
and sky
every second impossable showers of
gold
turning to terrible hues of purple
and
black
and
my
hart rate quickens
becouse
i am amongst
my
own
people

i am
the hero of all my my favorite novels
i live in them
and they
live in me
i am arturo bandini
on angels flight
swearing at a butiful dark haired girl
in tattered shoes
i am rodya
guilty of a terrible and senceless murder
on the streets of st petersburg
i am the strange hero of hunger
starving to spite myself in chrisitiana
i am john nagel
tormentor of the midget
and suiside
i am ishmail
knocker off of tall hats

i am every novelist
and
every charicter ever dreamed
i am everyone of my favorite artists
and
i feel myself not one jot less
but equell to all of them
turner
munch
holbine
and
hokusi

naturally i have no heros
i am my heros
i am my brothers
and sisters
i feel myself joined by the soul
with all buti
my hart sings with every brave endevor
with the strange wings of impossable butterflys
with every rock that breaths life into this world

i stand shoulder to shoulder with
all denoucers of meaness
i honour spirit and faith
and i uphold the glorious amiture
i am in love with desperate men
with desperate hands
walking in 2nd hand shoes
searching for god
and
hearing god
and hating god
i am a desperate man buckled with fear
i am a desperate man who demands to be
listend to
who demands to connect
i am a desperate man who denouces
the dullness of money
and staus
i am a desperate man who will not bow down to
acolayde or success

i am a desperate man who love the simplisity of
painting
and hates gallarys and white walls
and the dealers in art
who loves unreasonableness
and hot headedness
who loves contradiction
hates publishing houses
and
also i am vincent van gough
hiroshige
and every living breathing artist
who dares to draw god
on this planet


Recording taken from Poems of a Backwater Visionary (57 Productions), original text from 'the man with the gallows eyes, selected poetry 1980 - 2005' published in 2005 by The Aquarium, Woburn Walk, London, copyright © 2005 by Billy Childish used by permission of the author

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